I thought I’d better tell you a little about what assertiveness is definitely not!  Occasionally people misunderstand things when they attend an assertiveness class. Some get hold of the wrong end of the stick and dispense with their former shyness or social anxiety for a rather arrogant or flamboyant style of behaviour. And I have known it on my courses…let me explain.

Therefore, so that you don’t fall into that trap, let me reiterate that:

Asserrtiveness is:

• about a win-win situation. That means that both participants to a conversation come out feeling good about themselves.
• about resolving differences and finding common ground
• about being clear and honest: not rude and insulting!
• about respecting personal boundaries of yourselves and others.

Clearly the assertive message is about negotiating your position and having the confidence and self awareness to know that it is ok to do that. That is our personal responsibility to ourselves. It is not our responsibility to think for others or to second guess what others might be thinking. This can get really sticky and difficult to manage.
But you can see sometimes how the message may have got scrambled.

Assertiveness is about fair play. It is about honesty. It is about respect and dignity.

Is that clear? Good!

Meanwhile, if you want to make a head start on the managing of social anxiety, you can go a long way by downloading my Open Mind Guide to Dealing with your Anxiety. Just go the products page and you can have the guide on your computer in minutes to read. Sales of the book are starting to rise as more of you realise the value of helping yourselves with some sound guidance from you know who!

(c) Jenny Lynn, 2008. Reprints welcome so long as by-line and article are published intact and all links made live.

About Jenny Lynn

Jenny is an integrative psychotherapist, counsellor and hypnotherapist.  That means, whatever  personality or issue you present with, she can address appropriately and swiftly.  She also offers short courses in personal development in a range of subjects both in person and now online and is available to give public talks having presented for MIND, Saffron Walden CMHT, Uttlesford NHS practice nurses, WEA, among others.  She also offers specialist training to fellow professionals in the treatment of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME.  

Jenny created The Open Mind Guide to enable many others to benefit from her no nonsense, practical yet sensitive advice and guidance.  If you liked this article, then you’ll love the site! RSS the products page and the blog and keep informed of future developments.